Her Majesty, Queen Pumpkin I, has commanded that the following proclamation be posted and fastidiously observed across this great nation of ours.
“It has come to our royal attention that canines have long received undeserved honors at the expense of countless felines across this land of America. We have decided to rectify this oversight and shall begin with the renaming of a favored American sandwich, to wit, the so-called Hot Dog. Henceforth, the Hot Dog sandwich shall now be known as the Hot Cat. All subsequent changes shall be carried out as well. For example, the variety of this sandwich known as a Chicago Dog shall now be referred to as a Chicago Cat. Likewise, you humans shall use the new titles of New York Cat, Chili Cat, Foot Long Cat, and all other applicable appellations for the newly rechristened Hot Cat sandwich.
Further changes may be forthcoming and shall be announced in future proclamations. Let us make it clear now, that some phrases utilizing the word ‘dog’ do have our full royal blessing to continue in the manner they have been utilized up till now. Two such phrases we shall turn our attention to today are as follows: ‘sick as a dog’ and the ‘dog days of summer.’ Both expressions have the full favour of our royal majesty and may continue with our full blessing. We should not wish, under any circumstances, to replace ‘dog’ with ‘cat’ in either of those phrases, as such would cast unfavorable connotations upon felines.
This proclamation is effective immediately, and full cooperation is expected from all humans. Thank you.”